Parenting

Losing your identity and finding a new one.

Congratulations and welcome to parenthood!

You will now become a full-time bum wiper, dummy finder, on demand feeder, cry soother, cut healer, midnight entertainer. laundry doer, house clear upper, climbing frame, snot cleaner but best of all someone’s everything.

From the moment that precious little baby enters your life you take on a whole new identity, you go from being (your name) to mummy.

You can forget about being called by your name because from now on your name has been wiped off and no one will ever call you anything else other than mum/mummy/mama/ma (as they get older they do get a bit more adventurous and try to call you by your first name).

So you better get used to it because you’re about to hear that for the rest of your life at least 1000 times a day.

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing sweeter than being called mummy, it just melts your heart the minute your baby finally learns how to say that one word you have been trying to get them to say before they even think about saying daddy first.

But sometimes, and by sometimes I mean every single day from the minute they learn to say, mum, you will wish they had learnt to say daddy first because now I have to hear them shouting mummy from the minute I wake up to the minute they close their eyes and sometimes even when their eyes are closed they still manage to say, mummy.

Somehow they only learn to say daddy but then seem to forget to use the word when they need something.

I’m a stay at home mum and take care of most things regarding the home, the children and pretty much anything family related every day.

For as long as I can remember since Little Bear was born I have been doing the same thing most days and as the years have gone on the chores and responsibilities have tripled.

Before Little Bear was born I had this idea that I would be this supermum who would be able to juggle everything at the same time (I definitely was in for a reality check).

I thought that I would have so much time that I would still be able to do all the things I did before having children and I probably would have even more drive to possibly pursue a career or to go further with my hobbies.

Well, I can 100% tell you I was completely wrong.

I honestly praise all the mummy’s out there that are able to hold the fort at home, have a career and keep your biggest baby happy(your husband) and still look fab while juggling it all.

Seriously how do you do it?!

Although I’m sure that it’s not without its struggles, well done you!!

I, on the other hand fall in the category of the mummy who most mornings only just manages to drop the kids off with her face washed and half a bottle of dry shampoo because I stayed up most of the night binge watching tv shows instead of washing my hair, never mind putting any makeup on.

I do manage to walk out with something other than my pyjamas on but that’s only because I don’t really fancy being the gossip subject at the school gate.

But those that have known me for so long and knew me before I had kids will tell you that I used to spend hours in front of the mirror every day before I walked out of the house.

My hair was done every single day, my make up was done and I certainly didn’t walk out smelling like last nights dinner and covered in what can only be described as my child’s attempt to find something to clean their nose on, which of course just happens to be my coat.

I mean I knew that having kids would change my life, but I was certainly blinded by how cute other babies looked and how put together all these  mummy’s looked. Little did I know that it probably took them half a day, one toddler meltdown, a little drama queen arguing about what shoes she wants to wear today, and two outfit changes because one had their kids snot on it and the other had coffee spilled on it from when their precious little child thought it was a good idea to run up to mum precisely as she was drinking her morning coffee,(who am I kidding they probably didn’t even have time for coffee) to even reach to the car.

Since having kids I have realised that they take so much from you, yes they give you so much joy but you don’t realise how much of yourself you lose and how much you give to everyone else.

Having children has changed my identity, and most days I struggle to even identify as anything other than mum.

Behind the never ending mountain of clothes to wash, dirty floors to clean, dishes to do, a family to feed, homework to do, kids to entertain, relationship to keep alive, where do you find the time to be yourself? In fact, I’m only now slowly starting to understand and discover who I am.

I feel like as life goes on and the older you get you go through different stages of who you are. Different circumstances may change some parts of who you are, your core values will always be there but the way you look at life and how you think about things and how you feel they will change to adapt to where you are at certain points in your life.

In the past few months I feel that I have started to get in touch with the things I already know are there looking to come out and be part of who I am.

I have realised that even though I love my kids dearly, I need something more in my life than “just” being a mum.

I love being a mum but I need to have an identity other than a mummy, I need to have something that is just for me, something that will pick me up when things get tough and something that will make me feel more passionate about life.

It’s certainly not easy trying to find who you are when you have so much going on but give yourself the time and space to do the things you enjoy, to be you, to be more than a mum, wife or partner.

What did you find helped you to find your identity again once your babies were born or have you found that you have taken on a whole new identity?

Elisabeth x

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2 Comments

  1. Love love love this. It’s so overwhelming when you first have kids so I can totally relate.

    1. Aw absolutely! So much goes on when you have kids! X

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