This ones a tuff one! Mum guilt is something that really isn’t easy to deal with or to keep away from.
I think the majority (if not all) parents have felt guilty at one point or another.
There really is just no getting away from it. With so much of our lives shared in social media these days and these “perfect” lives being shown everyday you always think that you’re not doing well enough.
You look at other people and think oh look they did such and such with their child or they took their kids here and there, and straight away you beat yourself up because the furthest you child has been this weekend is the back garden and you were so tired that you didn’t even have the patience to play with your child.
But we need to remind ourselves that what is put online is only what we see with rose tinted glasses! No one is going to post the chaos before they left the house or the fact that the kids didn’t want to go anywhere and you had to drag them out.
Life is far from perfect and we have no idea what is going on in anyone else’s “perfect life”, we don’t see the tantrums they are dealing with, the problems they might be facing daily, the internal battles they fight with everyday. I bet even those that claim to have it all and be “perfect” feel guilty at one point or another.
I always think that I could be doing better, I could be doing something more, my kids could be better dressed, I could be feeding them better food, I could be doing more activities with them. Theres’s always that thing in the back of my mind telling me that what i’m doing is just not enough.
I mean I do have days were I think you know what today I have got up with the kids, they’re dressed, the house is tidy and clean, they have been fed (even if it is something simple and I know I could have made something I would be happier with), they have played and look happy and those days I do think to myself that i’m doing the best I can and that if my kids are happy then that should be good enough for me.
But then there are days where I really beat myself up and think that I just haven’t put enough effort into the day, I feel rubbish about not playing with them, or about not giving them enough attention or about letting them eat the second McDonald’s in a row because I can’t be bothered cooking.
I worry that they are growing up too fast and I’m missing out on something. I worry that I’m not doing a good enough job and that they will grow up and resent me for not being a better mother, for not taking more interest and interacting more with them
But you know something, I really believe that this is something that goes through every parents head! I think we could be doing the “right” thing every single day and we would still beat ourselves up for not doing enough.
And I think that no matter how much I do, in the back of my mind I will always find something to criticise about my parenting.
I know that I will never be 100% happy with the things I do daily, and I think I’m ok with that.
I used to strive for perfection because I felt that was the only way to insure I was the best parent I could be, but along the years I have learnt that it’s ok to mess up, it’s ok to have those days were you don’t feel like you’ve done a good job.
Like I said earlier perfection is a complete myth and no one will ever be fit to achieve it and any way why would you want to?
The most beautiful things in life happen when we least expect it, the memories we create with our families don’t happen when we are running around like headless chickens trying to make everything right, they happen when we just do our best and don’t try to achieve the impossible.
I’m learning to accept my mum guilt, I will sit with my thoughts and really think about what it is that’s causing me to believe I haven’t done a good enough job that day and if I feel I have really messed up then all I can do is try my best to make amends and learn from my mistakes.
It’s time we all stop beating ourselves up so much! If your child is fed, dressed, loved and happy then you can be sure you’re doing an excellent job.